Real or Not Real?
by Lucy in the Sky with Dimonds
Summary: The nightmares, cold and terrifying, wake them every night. At least they have each other to get them through it.


**Fair warning: Dreams are a bit graphic, but the books were worse. Enjoy.**

"_Katniss! Katniss!" Their screams of terror repetitive, over and over, pounding in my head. I screamed their names as I furiously tried to break away from my restraints, but to no avail. I was being forced to watch._

_I watched as the mutations tore apart Finnick and Rue, their families coiling in horror. I saw my father and Prim clinging to each other as parachutes rained down on them, blowing them up time and time again. The deaths were violent and gruesome. My screams grew louder, telling them to take me instead, but I was ignored. As the scene continued, I saw them all being killed again and again. _

_I thrashed violently, trying to break the restraint belt that held me. All of the sudden, a new scene formed. I was still stuck, but I saw something more terrible than I could imagine. A stage lay before me. It was a noose, and there were a lot of them. They each stood in front of their rope, heads low and eyes hollow. I wailed as one by one, the nooses were placed around their necks. Haymitch, Effie, Mother, Greasy Sae, her granddaughter, Annie, her son, Gale; everyone I knew was going to be executed. As soon as the noose went around his neck, Peeta looked at me with a mixed expression of sadness and fear. Breaking the belt finally, I sprinted to them, but the stage just moved farther away with every step I took. I cried their names once more, before Snow looked at me with his cold, red eyes. He pulled the lever…._

"Katniss? Katniss!" He yelled. My eyes snapped open, and I gasped for air, trying to regain what I thought was reality. Before he spoke another word, I dove into Peeta's chest, sobbing. Nights like these occurred weekly. I'd go to sleep, dreaming of my own personal version of hell, then have Peeta wake me up, still screaming. He did it too. I woke up some nights to find him sweating and clutching the sheets in terror. We comforted each other. It was all we could do.

"It's safe Katniss. We'll be alright." He said to me in a comforting manner. "No one can hurt you. I'm here."

Tears rolled down my cheeks as he held me. Peeta was warm. He had one arm wrapped around my waist, pulling me close to him. He gently rubbed my back as my cries softened. We slept in the same bed now. Neither could stand the days when we woke up to a dark, empty room, drenched in sweat and filled with terror. I pulled him closer. The amount of times I had seen him die, heard him shout my name, felt his blood under my palms. Every night, a new horror awaited me when sleep came. I'd seen the spear sticking out of Rue's stomach, the screams from Finnick as his limbs were torn off, the coughs from Hobbs as blood poured from his abdomen. I'd seen things, in real life and in dreams, which would make a normal person run screaming.

Finally, I stopped crying. I hated it. I hated the feeling of vulnerability. Vulnerability means weakness, and I can't afford to be weak. I wiped my tear streaked face with the sleeve of my night clothes. Peeta continued to rub my back, and lightly kissed my forehead.

"I'm okay now Peeta," I told him, my voice still cracking from all the crying. "You can let go."

"Now why would I want to do that?" He asked.

"Because it's the middle of summer and I'm still sweating bullets." I answered. "Please let go?"

His hold on me loosened. Brushing the hair out of my face, he asked me, "Are you sure you're fine?"

"Yes. I just want to go back to sleep." I tried to turn the opposite direction, but he caught me.

"Katniss, you really are a terrible liar." Peeta told me, "I'm going through the same thing, remember?"

I sighed. Truthfully, I was terrified of going back to sleep. Entering the horrid illusions of my past, watching the people I love get killed, each time more gruesome than the next. Reality was no better really. They were still finding bones, and when I go out to hunt, they are still stacking them on carts to be buried. It's a fresh punch in the gut every day. The rebellion left the districts in ruin, and people were hungry and without a home. Two things I know a lot about.

I felt the tears welling back up, but I fought them back. _No more crying_, I scolded. I half shouted at him. "I just don't want them anymore, okay! The memories are terrible. I just can't…" Tears threatened to come back up, so I wiped my eyes with my sleeve again.

He pulled me closer again. Wiping a stray tear from my face with his thumb, he cradled my face in his hands. "You don't have to do it alone. We are a team Katniss. You always thought that you had to do everything by yourself, but you have me. You've always had me." He smiled, and kissed me.

I returned it, and smiled back at him. Snuggling closer to him, my mind grew foggy and soon I was asleep again. The nightmares did not return. Instead, I found myself near the pond. The water lilies were in full bloom, and the murky greenish blue waters reflected the midmorning sun. I felt the sun, warm on my face, and the wind blowing through my hair, the trees rustling in the breeze. I felt someone squeeze my hand. My father smiled at me, and sang the song I remembered too well. However, it wasn't in grief or mourning. As he sang, the mockingjays fell silent, and the sadness in the song went away.

"_Deep in the meadow, under the willow.  
>A bed of grass, a soft green pillow. Lay down your head, and close your eyes. And when they open, the sun will rise.<em>

_Here it's safe, and here it's warm, and here the daises guard you from every harm. And here your dreams are sweet, and tomorrow brings them true. _

_Here is the Place where I love you!"_


End file.
